A few thoughts on Trayvon Martin

I've been reading a lot of conservative blogs lately, especially ones expressing outrage over the outrage over Trayvon Martin's murder attempted murder foiled by self-defense manslaughter. And maybe I'm being too squishy or something, but the conservatives have me doing a 180° on how I felt about the case.

So let's get a few things straight here. We've been looking at things all wrong: Zimmerman is not only not a murderer; he's a hero for having taken out a thug who was capable of God only knows what. Just look at the facts.

First, Trayvon was 6'3", and everyone knows that once you're over six foot, bullets cannot hurt you; he was invincible and Zimmerman knew it.

Second, Zimmerman had everyone reason to fear for his life, because at any minute the invincible Trayvon Martin might pluck the gun right out of his hand and shoot him. If I were an armed George Zimmerman, I'd be afraid, too.

Third, we've all seen those movies where the wispy 140-pound guy can totally unexpectedly knock down someone 80% heavier than themselves; Trayvon no doubt had some mad skills and Zimmerman was reasonably fearful.

Fourth, Zimmerman knew all about Trayvon's suspension from school, which demonstrates he was a criminal and, therefore, deserved to die. We should emphasize this as much as possible: Trayvon Martin was a thug who took pictures of himself doing gang signals. Sure, White kids also do gang signals on their Facebook profile pics, but that's all for fun. Everyone knows that when Black kids do it, they are serious. In Trayvon's case, half serious.

He was a punk who did things that scare reasonable White people, and we should emphasize that as much as possible. Where there's nothing to go on, make stuff up, because we're probably right anyway.

Fifth, Blacks have known for years how things are, so why should they be all up in arms that Zimmerman suspected Tray was up to no good and tried to ask him where he was going, even though he had no authority to do so. That's just how it works and Trayvon was itching for a fight by not cooperating with it. His blood is on his own hands for getting too uppity.

Finally, Zimmerman did not say "fuckin' coons" when he was talking with the 911 operator. He didn't even say "fuckin' goons," which is a term of endearment. He actually said "macaroons." He was hungry and neighborhood patrol had given him the munchies.

But all Trayvon had was Skittles. Niggardly bastard.

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