Ah, what's in today's mail bag?
Hey, Kushibo,
I totally need your help. I was out taking pictures of the beautiful Seoul scenery, just collecting digital memories of my time in this wonderful country. Well, some ice queen desperately in need of a good lay got upset that I was taking pictures of her and she called a cop over. He forced me to show the pictures I had taken and — horror of horrors — the camera's viewing settings just happened to be on super close-up, so all these innocent pictures I'd taken looked like crotch shots and butts.
Now they're getting ready to throw the book at me. Instead of one phone call, they're giving me one email, because this is the most wired country in the world, a technological marvel. I heard you're media-connected, so I was hoping you could make a call and get me temporarily listed as a Chosun Ilbo staff photographer so they'll let me off and this will all be behind me.
If that doesn't work, can you please get your buddy Brendon Carr to defend me. He doesn't care for my kind, but I know he'll do it if you ask. And try to get a discount, if you can, because by helping me he's giving back to the community.
My flight leaves tomorrow, so they have to let me go. I'm an American citizen, and it's legal in the U.S. of A. to allegedly take pictures of college-age women's Y-spots.
Sincerely,
Shutterbuggery in Shinchon
P.S. The food here in prison sucks. They're feeding us yukkaejang.
P.P.S. Sorry for all those times I attacked you at Korea Beat and Hub of Sparkle with multiple user names (I think they're called "socks"), plus all the fake kushibo posts. Won't happen again.
Help!
Dear Shutterbuggery,
You stupid fu¢k. Lose this email address and don't ever contact me again.
Yours,
Kushibo
Can we make this a weekly feature? I've never written anything controversial enough to earn hate mail. I'm sure you've gotten more than a few epic messages. Don't be afraid to share.
ReplyDeleteAlso, don't let cockbags like this get to you. I've been known to disagree with your opinions, but I still enjoy reading. Your arguments are usually interesting and well written...even when they are completely wrong.
Matt wrote:
ReplyDeleteCan we make this a weekly feature? I've never written anything controversial enough to earn hate mail. I'm sure you've gotten more than a few epic messages. Don't be afraid to share.
To be fair, this is not an actual single email but, in the spirit of satire, a composite of actual things written to me or asked to me on the phone.
Also, don't let cockbags like this get to you. I've been known to disagree with your opinions, but I still enjoy reading. Your arguments are usually interesting and well written...even when they are completely wrong.
There is a small army of people who have done sh¡t to me that's pretty outrageous, but I usually respond by not responding. I'm wondering, though, if I shouldn't get a bit more aggressive about it, but then you just get into a war of attrition which I'd rather not bother with.
But if I ever did decide to really go to war, I've got quite a bit of ammunition. I know some very nasty things about some people that don't seem to know that I know this stuff. Of course, the proper way to retaliate to that is by making sh¡t up about me, which is what some do anyway.
Yeah, I've just re-convinced me the value of not getting involved in an online battle. Acid of a duck's back.
Dear Kushibo,
ReplyDeleteit's a joke, right? there's no idiot who actually sent you a shitty e-mail like that, no?
reijene.
It is a joke, yes, but it's not exactly fictional. Like I said to Matt, it's mostly a composite of actual things written to me or asked to me on the phone, with the rest being stuff people actually say online.
ReplyDeleteThe stuff directly involving me includes someone who had been a total aßßhole to me online and tried to hurt me in person later turning around and asking my help when he was in dire straits (he didn't know that I knew what he'd been up to).