Monster Island (actually a peninsula)*

Pearls of witticism from 'Bo the Blogger: Kushibo's Korea blog... Kushibo-e Kibun... Now with Less kimchi, more nunchi. Random thoughts and commentary (and indiscernibly opaque humor) about selected social, political, economic, and health-related issues of the day affecting "foreans," Koreans, Korea and East Asia, along with the US, especially Hawaii, Orange County and the rest of California, plus anything else that is deemed worthy of discussion. Forza Corea!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Kim Jong-il falls into nuclear power plant cooling pond

Well, we all knew this was going to happen sooner or later.

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA — Officials close to the North Korea Workers Party General Secretary and Chairman of the National Defense Commission are embarrassed and contrite after a disoriented Kim Jong-il nosedived into a cooling pond at Undisclosed Nuclear Power Plant #5.

The Dear Leader has lately been described as dazed and confused following a likely stroke last year, and despite phlebotomy treatments involving infusions of blood from young virgins, his thought processes and behavior have become more erratic. Kim Jong-il's handlers said the Dear Leader apparently thought the cooling pond was a giant bathtub.

"Where are the soap girls?" he asked as he waded in the chest-deep water fully clothed.

It's not clear why no one tried to stop him as he walked close to the water's edge, but one anonymous source said a culture of fear prevents anyone around Kim Jong-il from warning him against some action. "You never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever correct the Dear Leader. Ever! We all assumed there was a perfectly good reason for him getting his DearLeaderHosen™ all wet."

Added another anonymous source: "Clearly this was a test of our loyalty. Had we jumped in front of him to stop him, it would have revealed that we lack faith in our Dear Leader, which would be bad. At least that's what I think was going on, so we all passed. We'll know tomorrow for sure. Please pass this note to my wife and tell her I love her."

It is not clear why Kim Jong-il was wandering around the cooling pond to begin with.

1 comment:

RoboseyoSaturday, March 21, 2009 1:28:00 PM
dearleaderhosen. lol

(word verification word: humph)
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Ask Kushibo.

My Google/Blogspot data shows that a lot of the 2 million people who have landed on my site (yes, that's the real number) are looking for cultural information on Korea (e.g., “When did Syngman Rhee die?” “What did the Indians bring to the first Chusŏk?’ etc., etc.), as well as practical or historical stuff.

That got me thinking that, hey, I have a master’s degree in Korean studies and a minor in Japanese studies, I’ve lived in Seoul far longer than most foreans my age (whether they're kyopo or non-kyopo), I teach introductory courses on Korea and its cultural trappings and history, so why not offer a free service where I attempt to answer people’s questions, point them in the direction of where they can get them answered, and/or offer my regulars (that’s you!) a chance to take a stab at some of this stuff, too.

So if there’s something you’d like to know from a “contrarian scourge,” click on ASK KUSHIBO and just ask a succinct question in the comments section below.

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九十五大怪獣란? 쿠시보의 몬스터 아일랜드란?

Pearls of witticism from 'Bo the Blogger: Kushibo's Korea blog... Kushibo-e Kibun...
Now with Less kimchi, more nunchi. Random thoughts and commentary (and indiscernibly opaque humor) about selected social, political, economic, and health-related issues of the day affecting "foreans" ("foreigners" in Korea be they kyopo or non-kyopo), Koreans, Korea and East Asia, along with the US, especially Hawaii, Orange County, and the rest of California, plus anything else that is deemed worthy of discussion. Forza Corea!

* Monster Island (actually a peninsula)

The name of this blog comes from a line in "Lisa on Ice," a beloved episode of The Simpsons, perhaps my all-time favorite television show (even though for several seasons there, it really did suck). Lisa is imagining being sworn in as president, but at the last minute, it is discovered that she failed P.E. (physical education) and she is thus "sentenced to a lifetime of horror" on Monster Island. "Don't worry," the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court confides in her, "It's just a name."

Fast forward to Lisa and other prisoners running in panic through a tropical jungle, chased by Godzilla-like creatures, including a monster turtle and a monster firefly.

"He said it was just a name!" Lisa screams to the man next to her. While he, too, runs for his life, the unidentified man calmly says, "What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula."

Anyway, I thought in some ways that punchline summed up modern-day Korea in a nutshell. For many people—foreigners and Koreans—the ups and downs and everyday travails of the Republic of Korea make it as precarious as a Monster Island would be (and with the DMZ being the only land border, it really is like an island). But it actually is a peninsula. Okay, it made sense in my head.

So as you can see, despite the hits I get from people looking for Japanese tentacle porn, it has nothing to do with anything salacious as that.