KCNA: World celebrates "Juche Hour"

Monitored and disseminated from Tokyo:

PYONGYANG (KCNA) — All the world came together to celebrate the environmental ideals inherent in the Juche philosophy of our Eternal President of the Republic Kim Il-Sung and his son, our Dear Leader, Kim Jong-il.

As the world faces looming environmental crisis, leaders and citizens of the world have come to seek guidance from Juche's creators to discern the issue of the relations between man and the world and the issue of position and role of man in the world as a fundamental issue of philosophy. Kim Jong-il, the inheritor of the Juche idea, gave perfect answers to them.

To honor his guidance, the world on Saturday celebrated "Juche hour," in which all citizens of each time zone sought solidarity with the workers of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea by turning off their lights from 8:30 p.m. until 9:30.

[above: Palauans celebrate Juche Hour with traditional Sonsorolese dances depicting the fate of workers who have not yet achieved class consciousness.]

These "Juche-outs," as they are popularly known around the world, are becoming quite the fad around the globe, as environment-minded citizens of the world recognize the leadership of the DPRK in combatting the fight for global warming.

Said a spokesman for the Ministry of Juche-Minded Environmental Stewardship, Lee Min-gyo, before a gathering of Western journalists who had come to Pyongyang to seek guidance on ecological matters: "All data shows that the DPRK has the smallest carbon footprint of any country. This makes our country the leader in the fight against global climate change."

After being queried by European pressmen anxious to hear other examples, Comrade Lee went through a list of rhetorical questions, to which the answer was obvious to all who are not subject to the press-controlling machinations of the capitalist bourgeoisie: "What country consumes the least amount of resources per capita? North Korea. What country is nearly devoid of energy-wasting and pollutant-spewing personal motor vehicles? North Korea. What country leads the world in production and utilization of toibee, a fertilizer made from mixing ash and human excrement to reduce waste and enhance crop production, developed through glorious knowledge and on-the-spot guidance passed down from the Great Leader? Again, North Korea."

When asked what improvements North Korea could make to reduce its green house gas emissions even further, Comrade Lee had harsh words for the Imperialist Americans, their running dogs in Japan, and their lackey flunkyists in Seoul: "The Democratic People's Republic of Korea seeks peaceful nuclear power to reduce the gases produced by even the cleanest coal and the purest cow dung, but 'the Man' is keeping us down, claiming we are making missiles to hit Disneyland and building nuclear weapons to bomb Universal Studios. Nothing could be further from the truth. And by 'the Man' I mean the goose-stepping Imperialists in Washington, who have their jackboots on the necks of the laborers at the behest of their banker benefactors."

Comrade Lee's aides presented a PowerPoint presentation that showed temperatures and tides rising everywhere except the northern half of the Korean Peninsula, mostly narrated by former United States Vice President Al Gore. Journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee were, guests of the state in Pyongyang, were there to represent Current TV, the cornerstone of Al Gore's media empire. The two cried tears of joy as they heard the many ways that the DPRK is saving the planet.

Comrade Lee was wildly applauded for ten minutes by the international media for his portrayal of the Juche idea and received a standing ovation for his command of English-language colloquialisms, which he rightly attributed to the guidance and advice of Dear Leader Kim Jong-il.

All journalists were given complimentary signed pamphlets of Kim Il-Sung's "On the Juche Idea," printed in Italian by the Group of Dialectical Materialists of Italy on the occasion of the 37th anniversary of the Enlargement of the Presidential Quarters Guesthouse at Mangyongdae.

[above: North Korea, Japan, and China celebrate Juche Hour. Imperialist running dogs in southern Korea show their true colors of oppression by incinerating the belongings of the proletariat in garbage cans throughout Seoul's slums and shantytowns in an effort to undermine the effects of Juche in the fight against global warming. The narrow lines that form the periphery of North Korea are from the flashlights of admirers of the Juche idea who stand at the edge of the Workers Paradise and look on with longing and desire for the day when they may visit. But right now the country's full.]