Monster Island (actually a peninsula)*

Pearls of witticism from 'Bo the Blogger: Kushibo's Korea blog... Kushibo-e Kibun... Now with Less kimchi, more nunchi. Random thoughts and commentary (and indiscernibly opaque humor) about selected social, political, economic, and health-related issues of the day affecting "foreans," Koreans, Korea and East Asia, along with the US, especially Hawaii, Orange County and the rest of California, plus anything else that is deemed worthy of discussion. Forza Corea!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Person on the street: Who would you want to be?

Surveys are always asking people on the street what celebrity they want to be. School-age kids will giggle and say they wish they were whoever is big on the screen or on the pop charts. Even adults' answers reveal that these questions are little more than silly celebrity popularity contests.

So, for a bit of a twist, Monster Island asks our celebrities: Who would you want to be?

Rhonda Patterson.

— Lindsay Lohan (celebrity), Los Angeles CA

Elizabeth Bickerman. The one in Middleville, Michigan.

— Halle Berry (celebrity), Los Angeles CA

Arnold Coleman. Or Jim Delvecchio if he loses that beer belly.

— Bruce Willis (celebrity), Los Angeles CA

Did Lindsay already say Rhonda Patterson? Damn, I was gonna say Rhonda Patterson. In that case... um... Susan Tanimura.

— Hillary Duff (celebrity), Los Angeles CA

Tod Abernathy, 'cuz he's got wicked pecs. No, wait... I'd totally be Lisa Harriman and fondle myself all day.

— Ashton Kutcher (celebrity), Los Angeles CA

Lisa Harriman's boyfriend.

—Wilmer Valderrama (celebrity), Los Angeles CA

Anybody who isn't about to be inaugurated president during the worst economic downturn in almost a century. Anybody! I'm not kidding. If you cut your hair and got a little sun, you and I could switch places. Come on, it's 400 grand a year. That's gotta be two or three times what you make as a grad student. And my wife's hella hot... I'd throw her in as a bonus, but only until the end of my term.

—Barack Hussein Obama (former U.S. senator), Chicago IL

Anybody who isn't married to a Secretary of State. Hey, if you whitened your hair and doubled in size by eating your weight in sausage links, you and I could switch places. Come on, you could control a foundation that's worth billions... no one would know if a mil or two fell under the desk and went missing. Plus my wife is totally... ah, who am I kidding. She's no Michelle Obama. You'd become obsessed with working out your schedule so that you're both in different countries for most of the year.

— William Clinton (former president), Chappaqua NY

Robert Koehler, hands down. That guy can pull off a hanbok. Plus, his wife is smokin'!

— Nicolas Cage (celebrity), Los Angeles CA

Robert Koehler's waitress.

— Alice Cage (retired food service worker), Los Angeles CA

More person on the street interviews.

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Ask Kushibo.

My Google/Blogspot data shows that a lot of the 2 million people who have landed on my site (yes, that's the real number) are looking for cultural information on Korea (e.g., “When did Syngman Rhee die?” “What did the Indians bring to the first Chusŏk?’ etc., etc.), as well as practical or historical stuff.

That got me thinking that, hey, I have a master’s degree in Korean studies and a minor in Japanese studies, I’ve lived in Seoul far longer than most foreans my age (whether they're kyopo or non-kyopo), I teach introductory courses on Korea and its cultural trappings and history, so why not offer a free service where I attempt to answer people’s questions, point them in the direction of where they can get them answered, and/or offer my regulars (that’s you!) a chance to take a stab at some of this stuff, too.

So if there’s something you’d like to know from a “contrarian scourge,” click on ASK KUSHIBO and just ask a succinct question in the comments section below.

Oh, and play nice. Please don’t make me regret this.

九十五大怪獣란? 쿠시보의 몬스터 아일랜드란?

Pearls of witticism from 'Bo the Blogger: Kushibo's Korea blog... Kushibo-e Kibun...
Now with Less kimchi, more nunchi. Random thoughts and commentary (and indiscernibly opaque humor) about selected social, political, economic, and health-related issues of the day affecting "foreans" ("foreigners" in Korea be they kyopo or non-kyopo), Koreans, Korea and East Asia, along with the US, especially Hawaii, Orange County, and the rest of California, plus anything else that is deemed worthy of discussion. Forza Corea!

* Monster Island (actually a peninsula)

The name of this blog comes from a line in "Lisa on Ice," a beloved episode of The Simpsons, perhaps my all-time favorite television show (even though for several seasons there, it really did suck). Lisa is imagining being sworn in as president, but at the last minute, it is discovered that she failed P.E. (physical education) and she is thus "sentenced to a lifetime of horror" on Monster Island. "Don't worry," the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court confides in her, "It's just a name."

Fast forward to Lisa and other prisoners running in panic through a tropical jungle, chased by Godzilla-like creatures, including a monster turtle and a monster firefly.

"He said it was just a name!" Lisa screams to the man next to her. While he, too, runs for his life, the unidentified man calmly says, "What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula."

Anyway, I thought in some ways that punchline summed up modern-day Korea in a nutshell. For many people—foreigners and Koreans—the ups and downs and everyday travails of the Republic of Korea make it as precarious as a Monster Island would be (and with the DMZ being the only land border, it really is like an island). But it actually is a peninsula. Okay, it made sense in my head.

So as you can see, despite the hits I get from people looking for Japanese tentacle porn, it has nothing to do with anything salacious as that.

Monster Island (actually a peninsula)*

Monday, December 8, 2008

Person on the street: Who would you want to be?

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